Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
