Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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