my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just want nice things and good sex
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
