at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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