My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I'm really busy with my period
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