God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
do herpes really smell.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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