So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
