I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I hope mine doesn't look like that
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
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