I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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