Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
