i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
