I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
