Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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