Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
