The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
