Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Barsexuality is the new black.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
