Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
