I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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