just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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