when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
