so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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