your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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