Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
kristin has been a bad kristin
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
