I puked a lego.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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