Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
