but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
