I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
