this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
