His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
