you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
