new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
