I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
