My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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