you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
