she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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