I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
