Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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