Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
