what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
