I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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