so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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