Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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