I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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