oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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