hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
