I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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