and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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