He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
