My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
