Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
