you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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