i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
